well....
its the end of the year again.....
but this year has to be the best roller coaster year i have ever been on.....
i went from emotional high's to low....
from being a super rich kid for a day to guy who only has 5 sen's after.....
absolutely amazing....
although i could have hoped that somethings didn't happened but then again i'm sure there is a reason why it happened....

2006 has definitely been the best of my life and i will never ever forget it....
it all started pretty badly for me....
in january, i started my college again after 3 months internship....
life was pretty much very predictable at that moment....
but everytime i went to college....
i always see my sayang (that time we were not yet couple and we were not talking to each other because we had some major misunderstandin... and because of that, we hated each other.... but i still loved her... she just didn't know how much i loved her...)
everytime i see her at college... i used to feel so useless....
i always wanted to just go and talk to her and tell her every single thing and hopes that she would just forget the past and see how much i truly love her...
but i always chicken out at the end..... =(

then came one day....
she came and sat on the table with me and edmond (my college best buddy).......
then i remember clearly at that time i was angry with her....
i was thinking after all that she did to me.... she can still have the guts to come and sit down next to me....
then she said she was thirsty... a normal sign that she wants a drink but can't afford....
normally, i would get her a drink or i would share mine....
but after all that she has done to me... after all that she has hurt me soo much and all....
i was angry....
so i told her.... "its raining what..!? drink that water lar...."
yeap... i know.... its the highest level of rudeness....
after that... she straight away left.... and we never talked again for months....
but evertime i see her from far.... my love for her just gets deeper and deeper....
i just didnt know why whenever i want to go and talk to her... i will think of the past and get angry with her..... probably because she never really apologized to me before....

college was fine at that time...... family life was good.... financial life was also good.... no worries...

then came mid year...
Jun 29th, 12.30pm...
i received an email while surfing the net at home....



sorry for the picture quality... didnt want to show the rest of the window, so i had to crop it...
neways, if u cant read this is what she sent me :
Angela : hi...! long time no talk...
so how's life? i'm good....
just drop by to say hi....
well take care...
and good luck with your finals....
cheers....

and this is what i replied...
Jeff : yeaps....
long time no talk....
why ar...?

i thought we were still friends...
hmmm....

final sucks lar....


then after an hour....
Angela : i know....
we are rite....
don't worry la...
no hard feelings??
you nvr say hi..
so whatever la...
but yea..
everythings cool...
take care...chat with you some other time..
chaoz

then i replied:
Jeff : i never say hi....????
wei wei... u know me well right??
im the lanci wan ok.. i never say hi... i wait for "ppl" to say hi to me...
hahahaha....
dun worry... no hard feelings at all as long as we're cool...


p/s: i hate this silent treatment between me and you....
hmmm.... dunno whether things will change or not...
u tell me....

and then from then onwards, i couldn't help myself but to think of her 24/7...
i thought i managed to forget her... but somehow she came back to me....
but it was not all happy happy and we became couple...
no no....!
when she started talking back to me, she had other commitments and i got pissed off again because she started complaining again....
but slowly we became close again.... close friends that is....
and then i went a step too far again.... i disturbed her and hold her hand infront of her friends...
but somehow this time she didn't mind it....
things were going on smoothly except for the part where she has other commitments that made me frustrated with myself....
then one day, i gave up...
just that imagine of seeing her with her commitment just killed me on the spot....
i just gave up....
but somehow, that was the start of everything....

a few days after i gave up...
she sms-ed me...
and i replied in a very "malas nak layan" mood...
we started sms-ing each other in the afternoon all the way until midnight...
and it was only until around 9 or 10something that she actually told me that she is prepared...
she is out of her commitments... and she is really really in love with me....
that day was the happiest day of my life... i can still imagine jumping up and down in my room...
i was soo sooo soooooooooooooooooooo happy....

then came sept 5th....
me and her went to ampang point for a cup of coffee...
she stayed over at my place that day to do her work...
so its was nearly 11pm and she was feeling sleepy ady...
so i took her to ampang point san fransisco coffee...
then i suddenly had the guts to propose to her...
AND I DID IT..!
and she was smilling all the way....
she was in a state of shocked...
even though she knew all the time that i loved her so much....
but she never expected me to propose to her when she was with my old ugly t-shirt and my old faded short pants with her hair all messy and so on.....
i still can remember how my body was shaking at that time...
and it was the first time i actually hold her hand that day....
=)

=)))


now its been about 3months already...
and things have been good...
yes, for sure there are those times where things just get's abit out of control and all...
but the main thing is, we still love each other so much and nothing in this world that can take that away from the both of us....
i love till i die sayang....
and i hope u do the same as well....

well, tomolo's new year's eve and im so sorry sayang because i cannot spend time with u....
i hope sayang that u have a super duper great time where ever u are on new years eve and please take care of urself....
dun get urself in trouble okies....
love u so much.... muacks!!

and to the rest....

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS...>!

Life can never be as FUCKED UP as mine....

















-emo post-

ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!
AND A HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

since its christmas....
and since my sayang is away at penang celebrating with her family...
p/s: i miss u sayang!! take care and have fun okies! =)

back to blogging,
i've been listening to some of my 90's rock songs...
aWeSoMe!!!

i still feel that today's rock songs are no where near good compare to 90's rock songs...
the 90's were the best..!! and i had the best experience to it because i used to be a radio freak in the 90's... i used to hear the radio basically 25 hours a day....
in the morning when i just get up, radio will be on...
while bathing, ill be singing my favourite song...
in the car going to school also listening to the radio...
in school, i used to 'curi-curi' bring my handphone (i was using nokia 8310 i think) and i used to hear radio most of the times...
especially during 'Sejarah' lessons...
oh gawd, i hated that class alot... but i never skipped or ponteng the class before...
why? because my 'Sejarah' teacher was the hottest and sexiest malay chick i have ever seen...

hehehehe.... then go back to house also listen radio....
studying time also can sing follow the radio....
everything lar....!
i think i even masturbate while listening to the radio....
just kidding just kidding...!!

so here's some of my favourite 90's rock songs that i can find in youtube...
let me know if i missed out on any other 90's favourite....

LIVE - TURN MY HEAD


SMASHING PUMPKINS - STAND INSIDE YOUR LOVE


THE VERVE - BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY


LIVE - LIGHTING CRASHES


RADIOHEAD - CREEP


FUEL - SHIMMER


FUEL - SUNBURN


TONIC - IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE


TONIC - OPEN UP YOUR EYES

I GOT MY CAR BACK!!!

WOOHOO!!!

like rica always says, vroom vrooom...!!!

hahaha.....

neways, here's some picture of my one and only true love...... (just kidding sayang! =p)



lovely isn't she?

fucking head still hurts....

can't wait to see sayang next....

going to get back my car soon....

woohooo!!!!!!!!!!!

it fucking hurts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
arghh!!!!

i haven't slept properly for more than 3 days already.... i haven't slept for more than 2hours non-stop... it so fucking pain!!! it even hurts to lie down on my pillow.... my head hurts like hell!!!!

u guys have no idea how severe the pain is... i can't even sleep lar.... i have a skin problem on my scalp called " Scalp Folliculitis"......
just imagine... ur head hurts like hell, and when u really can't open ur eyes anymore u try to just put your head on the pillow and it hurts even more!!... my eyes is so hurting cause i haven't been sleeping properly....
it hurts like hell sometimes guys....
u guys are so fucking lucky to have a perfect body with no skin problems and so on.....

anyways, i thought by doing some blogging might be able to get my thoughts away from killing myself.... alot of things have changed since the last time i blogged..... mostly good things.....

CHRISTMAS IS NEAR!!!

so i got something for my sayang.... even though i was super duper short on cash.... i somehow managed to get the perfect things.... i bought this perfume set from bodyshop with had a lotion, perfume, and something else i can't remember, with 2 scent candles.... then i bought her one necklace and one pair of ear rings..... and let me tell you, the price i paid for the necklace was so worth it.... the necklace really looked like some thousand dollar necklace....

and the best part was.... i went to popular book shop and got a few textured paper and cut them out in small pieces and made a love book for her to read.... what i wrote down there was definitely the most touching love letter i have ever wrote.....

i passed her all her presents at the same day i bought it..... before i bought it, i was with her and her dad.... she was going to get a new pair of shoe's so she wanted me to follow along.... while her dad wondered off somewhere... me and her where walking as fast as we could because she was getting late for her caroling....

and it was kinda fun as well on that day because she is supposed to be "merajuk" with me because i turned off the computer while she was doing her work..... and it was the first time i met her since that incident so i know what to expect from her even though she doesn't admit it.... so i could see abit of her "I'M MERAJUK WITH YOU... OKAY!!!" look.... but the best about it is when u pretend not to understand that look and just move on.... somehow, she will mellow down and then she gets all into lovey dovey mode..... hahaha, she's such a darling...... i love her till death....

back to her christmas present thingy, so after she got her shoe's she went home with dad to get ready for the caroling and all.... so there was i.... alone in a huge shopping mall..... filled with people and mostly in groups.... lovely....!

i straight headed to bodyshop and instantly got her the perfume.... and then i was on my to sungai wang and LOT10.... while on the monorail, i received an sms from my sayang.... and this is what she said "why do you have to be so so so so so so so irritating!!?!??"... then after a few minutes... i received another "Ill see you after christmas only.bye."

u see.... that is when she is merajuk and wants me TO GIVE HER ATTENTION..... she doesnt realize this but its true.... she loves attention and when she doesnt get enough attention, she picks on them and makes them feel useless to be born in this world.... its scary to think of it sometimes.....

so after me getting her all her stuff, i headed to a friends place to keep the perfume set as i can't keep in my house... ill get into more trouble for sure..... =(

then around 10pm i called her.... i told her im coming to her house to pass her her christmas present and she got super excited!!

then as soon as i reached her place.... i passed her the ear rings first.... because the ear ring was the cheapest and also it looked kinda cheap as well.... so basically i was just putting her through some test... and she passed with flying colours....!!! she absolutely loved it.... i was amazed.... and then since i was also extremely happy, i told her, that was not your only surprise.... and then she was some more excited.... so then i passed her the necklace and the perfume... and my god... i definitely saw very very tears in her eyes and she loved all my presents.... i was so happy.... it felt so good to buy her something and see her appreciating it from the moment she received it....

then we just lepak-ed at her place for a couple of hours talking and talking.... and that was the day where i remembered how much i actually love her.... i actually can never ever ever live without her now that she has appeared in my life..... she is truly amazing..... i love u sayang....

then after a couple of days... we met up with each other again... we were supposed to go to sungai wang to get her younger brother some PS2 games.... so we met up at KLCC and then she bought a gift for me!!!! WOOOHOOO!!! excited u know...!! first time after so long receiving a gift.... and to be honest, i was more nervous than she was.... because she told me that she didnt know what i want or whether i would like or not.... but i asked myself, what do i want? and i couldn't answer it.... hahahaha.... i decided not to open it at first until we reached LOT10 then she told me... open your present lar.... then i slowly peeled off the selefon tape.... and inside i saw 2gifts! and a picture.... the picture was the 2 of us in melaka and it was not the best picture we have but she said she liked it because i looked goofy.... damn! was blushing ady that time..... then the first present was something for my age old pc..... it was somesort of a fan... something i didnt knew they had invented it.... well, at least she got me something that i can use... hehehe....
then came the best part of all...... best of the best some may say..... i opened up the 2nd gift and i saw a snow flake crystal ball..... i loved it.... why? because on my way back home.... i remembered some of my childhood memories involving those crystal ball... i accidentally broke one last time and my mum had to pay for it.... i never thought that one day i would be able to remember these childhood memories.... that's why the 2nd present she got me could not have been a better gift.... thanks alot sayang.... i love you forever and ever and ever..... ill never leave you.......

anyways.... i got to go ady.... need to brush teeth.... im so hoping that my scalp problem will be better so that i just go to sleep..... argghH!! it hurts badly okay........

Hi guys;

Check out this site. It's a short film competition by BMW Malaysia which offers RM50k in production assistance as it's Grand Prize.

Please help spread the word around guys, it could be what many unearthed locals talents have been waiting for.

www.bmwshorties.com.my

Thanks peeps!

well.... these past 2 days has been something like dejavu abit....

have you guys seen this movie...? quite nice... i recommend it..... worth the RM10 bucks... but u need to be alert all the time in the cinema... once u blink... u'll have no idea for the next whole show....

i dont know why but sometimes i feel that its all because of me..... whatever wrong step i do will be punished because i made a promise to never wipe that smile..... but i feel its unfair to live your life like this.... if she had done the same promise to me and if i were to make u follow your promise all the time then things would definitely be very very very different... i have to confess, yes, i am not entirely happy.... and im sure you're not entirely happy aswell... but haven't you realize that most of the times it always me that says sorry.... whatever arguments we have is mostly or shall i say everytime caused by me.... is that just coincidence or is that telling me your perfect..? u might start to think now that you have said sorry in the past as well.... but most of it was because i became extra sensitive and wanted to hear you say sorry.... it was because i was hurt by what you said or what you do but i wanted to feel hurt so that in my mind, i have heard you said sorry.... by now you should know me well enough and im that sort of person that wont really bother and saying sorry a million times.....

but to you, i have said sorry more than i can remember..... until the word "I'm Sorry" also has no meaning to it.... but at least it shows you that i really want to be with you and yes i admit i do make mistakes and sometimes very silly one's but that's me.... i remember you saying to me last time that you feel that i don't love for who you really are because i am controlling you.... but have i ever controlled you? no.... and now who is the one that should feel the same way that you felt last time? do you really love me for who i am really? or do u just love me because sometimes i can really really make u laugh.... but when i am depress and down, stress and so on... you dont seem to try to make me feel good about myself....

i just feel that sometimes you are just taking me as your revenge.... your revenge to your previous boyfriends.... i feel that because i have always been there for you last time to listen your problems with your boyfriends last time, and also because when u show and tell them that ur upset or whatever, they don't do anything and its always me that carries you up again.... so now i feel u are some sort of taking revenge on me because of them.... you get merajuk over small things and make me feel extremely guilty and i feel you somehow like it when u know that i am feeling guilty what i did.... i don't know, but this is what i feel.... and if u think that what i feel is wrong, then do something about it.... please.... its killing me okay!

i am not saying that u cannot be merajuk with me and so on.... but haven't you realize that after the 3rd or 4th time we meet, the next we meet, you will be merajuk for something very small.... i understand that by me just shutting down the pc just like that is wrong.... its something i shouldn't have done.... but i have told u this a million times and u urself know that im am regretting my every single decision that made me just shut down the pc.....

girls are sensitive... i know.... but when u merajuk over small matters and carry on merajuk-ing for days is something i dont understand.... and something even when i try to make it up also u dont seem to be okay after that.... i feel you somehow not very happy with me because i didnt feel guilty enough.....


please sayang.... listen to me please.... talk to me please.... learn how to put your emotions into words and explain to me why are you acting this way? last time we used to get merajuk for fun... but nowadays, we never do it anymore.... you tell me why....

please my love.... i love you so much and i hope you realize it.... and everyday i ask myself where do i want to go with this relationship and everytime i answer "Till The End".... and i am pretty sure that the end is not somewhere near yet.... its still so long more till the end.... and all i want you to do is just somehow show me and believe me and make me happy again.... i've said alot about you.... but will you this time make things change for good? will you this time just make me feel good and then keep on making feel good? or will you just take a step forward and then two steps back?

i love you so much and God willing i am even ready to sacrifice my life, my soul for you.... just as long as i know that you are the happiest girl i know....

you say you want to be happy...
you say you want to wipe all my doubts...
you say you want to prove to me that you love me so much...
you say you can't imagine living without me...
you say you want me to be positive...
you say thanks for everything that i have done for you so far...
you say you'll appreciate whatever i do...
you say you'll sacrifice more...
you say to give you more time...
you say you believe in me...
you say you need me...
you say you're all mine...
you say you can't wait to sayang me...
you say you're so lucky to have me loving you..
you say "anugerah" is the word...
you say you want your world to keep on spinning...
you say you're not being like last time...
you say you'll make me proud and happy...
you say you want to be with me all the time...
you say you just want to keep on makin me happy...
you say you really really need me...
you say you'll do whatever it takes to make me happy...
you say you're lucky to be with me and giving you another chance...
you say you'll prove to me that you're the one for me...
you say you think of me 24/7...
you say you miss me...
you say you miss me so much...
you say you love me...
you say you love me even more...
you say you love me forever and ever...

















you say alot...........................................................

third post.... woohooo!!!

anyways, just managed to did some small touch up on my blog....
looking nicer i see.....
wanna start promoting my blog now.....
dunno where to start..... anyone one can help? help..... anyone!!! help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


back to reality.....
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
gosh.... i really dont know what to do at home man.....
life is getting useless for me.......
too many worries in my mind and because i dont have anything to do....
these worries and fear's is affecting my life....
if only i get my car back.... then i might be better cause can go ronda ronda around......

today's been the same old thing again..... got up did nothing....
watch nothing...... eat nothing........ did nothing......
in the morning sent mum to some clinic nearby....
mum's getting asthma.... but thank god is just an early stage....nothing serious....
she should be back to normal soon according to the doctor who is 100bucks richer.....

then now just listening to some old songs......
OooOo... OOoooOOo... listening to this old local band called "Wings"....
listening to their song called "Sejati"....
one word for this song.... AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

Sejati
Itu yang kau ucapkan
Bila janji kugenggam
Bawah pohon kemboja
Yang sekecil kita

Menanti
Di mahligai mainan
Kita bina bersama
Dari dahan yang rapuh

Usia perangkap kita
Remaja kita tinggalkan
Namun aku masih
Menggenggam janji

Tinggal kenangan
Gagal segala impian
Tinggal bertanya
Erti sejati Kenangan itu

Hanya mainan bagimu
Tinggal bertanya
Erti sejati
Yang telah engkau janjikan dulu

nice song.... u all should try to listen to it.... one of the few good rock malay ballads.....

oh gawd.... its only 3.37pm
long more to go b4 the day falls......

sayang stop giving me a headache..... i dun understand what u need me to search......... argghhh.....

gtg!

-paece out-

woohooo.....
my second post....

its been awhile since i blog....
there are few reasons to it......
1. i don't have my pc to use
2. i frankly getting lazy to blog
3. i had no time to think what i want to blog
4. i haven't told anyone except my sayang about my blog so that means no one reads my blog

i am actually just waiting for my post to be more and more then only i would start to post up my blog link websites.... then u guys watch and see.... its gonna big... its gonna hit you soooooo hard till u wont remember what hit you (yea rite....).......

neways, i missing my sayang so badly.... and i just really dont know how to live actually without her by my side... no, she didn't left me.... idiots! its just that she is busy with her work and i am busy doing nothing... kekekeke.... and its also quite hard for us to see each other as i am not working so its impossible for me to get the cash to move around....

me not working is another problem... i get so frustrated to know that people who are not qualified at all can get a descend good job with good income where else people like me who are willing to work hard and with abundance of talents (yea rite again....), can't get a job that we want... or maybe i am being to choosy....
but the problem is, i want to get a work at a place i feel comfortable... i dont want to rush into some company and then after a year just leave like that.... i can't work knowing that i am going to leave.... it happened to me during my internship.... and i really cant have that thought in my mind.... so i need to find a place where i know i can improve constantly and be there for a long time to build up my reputation and so on.....

today was a pretty good day after all, early morning had a call from mohan... his company is doing some competition about a short movie (got some cool ideas to share with u all... but later only).... winner gets 50k and a trip to the international short film festival.... it does sounds interesting..... but i don't really have the confidence in this.... but i will give it a shot as i do have some pretty cool ideas..... its something u guys have seen before but its presented in a totally different perspective.... trust me on this..... its gonna blow ur mind off.... just hoping i can achieve it.....
then had some troubles as i mean fixing my sayang's pc.... GOD DAMN IT!!! WHY CAN'T I INSTALL WINDOWS??????? ARGGHHHHHH...... STUPID WINDOWS KEEP HANGING!!! GRRR....!

well, the pc has been sent to the a shop nearby here.... I'm so hoping nothing has to change and just fork out 70bucks for the reformatting.... i hate windows with their stupid blue screen warning nonsense....

then i called my sayang and managed to made her laugh even though she was sooooo stressed up with work.... i just the sound when she laughs.... makes me feel so good about myself......
i love u sayang......

and then had some KFC for dinner.... stupid bunch of KFC ppl.... gave me 2 pieces of wings for my hot and spicy chicken.... just feeling like wanna hot and spicy their ass when i go back there..... ARGGGHHH!!!....

neways.... liverpool's match is gonna start soon..... need to do some ritual's first.....
-paece out!-


p/s: love you sayang!!!!!!! so much you know!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally...
started to blog...

i know im gonna get alot of banging from a few of my friends cause i told them that i hate blogging.... hehehe....
well... to be honest... i do hate blogging....
why?
reason 1 : who the hell is gonna read your blog?
reason 2 : if you're not happy about something why blog about it? do something about it lar!
reason 3 : i see blogging as a tool for showing off.... (damn u rica with those U2 tickets!... heheh)
reason 4 : why on earth would wanna show the world your diary?
reason 5 : you cant really mention names in your blog because "those ppl you mentioned" might read it....
reason 6 : your just wasting precious time editing here and there... making the fonts bigger and so on.... just write only lar.... thats why later when u see when i have more post in my stupid blog, you wont be colour blind with all those funky colourful depa-raya-christmas fonts....
reason 7 : if you're still reading this means you really have nothing to do.... and i mean REALLY have nothing to do......
reason 8 : you're nodding you're head right now......
reason 9 : you're smilling right now.....
reason 10: you feel like a dumb fuck right now...... hahaha....

well, there are alot more reasons actually on why i dont like blogging.... but if i do that... im sure ill get more banging because i have started blogging....
the reason why im actually blogging is unknown to me seriously.....
i really have no idea on why the hell did i start blogging....
probably its because i felt like a useless dick head today for the whole day.....

well... i think i better stop here not get into details into why i feel like FCUK the whole god damn bloody day today.....

out!

p/s: blogging sucks and just one word of advice to everyone out there... People Always Tend To Remember The Bad More Than The Good... just think about it....